Every Day Since
by Darkness.Is.Ever.Shadowed
Summary: Post-Reichenbach. John and Sherlock try to live life on their own after the Fall. Slight Johnlock.


7:00 A.M.

John Watson wakes up, having slept in a bed alone and in a place where he would certainly not be disturbed by a flatmate. He sits up, throws on a robe, and walks into the kitchen to make some coffee. He looks at the paper and flips through it. He notices that 221B Baker Street is still not listed as available- Mycroft kept true to his promise.

_/7:05 A.M./_

_Sherlock Holmes wakes up, having slept in a different bed than the nights before. He knows that if he doesn't move around, Moriarty's henchmen will find him and, subsequently, John. Thinking of his former flatmate always sends a jab of pain through his chest- he is constantly reminded of what he's done to his closest friend._

7:30 A.M.

John has finished his breakfast- lately it has been bland and easily made. He places his dishes in a slowly growing pile in the sink. He thinks he should probably clean them at some point. He walks to the fridge to put away the milk- something, he recalls with pain, Sherlock always seemed to forget- and, like every day, thinks he might see a human head when he opens the door. There is nothing but milk, eggs, jam, and a few other necessities.

_/7:35 A.M./_

_Sherlock's breakfast is hurried. He's five minutes late. If he does not catch this cab, he knows that the entire schedule will be off. So he runs to the street and hails a cab, waiting for what seems like ages for one to stop. He orders the driver to take him to his destination, but to let him off a short distance away. To be recognized would mean a collapse of all he's worked for._

8:00 A.M.

John walks down the street slowly, looking at every building he passes. Soon he begins to look at the people walking by him on the street, trying to deduce things about them like Sherlock once did. Despite his practice, he's still not as good at it as his former flatmate. With a heavy heart, he hails a cab to take him to work.

_/8:05 A.M./ _

_Sherlock begins a short examination of the area before moving towards John's new place of work. He is proud that his friend hasn't completely sunk, but even from the distances he watches him from, Sherlock can see the pain in his former flatmate. He notices a cab pulling up and sees the familiar face of Gregory Lestrade. Sherlock finds it interesting that Lestrade is not using his car, but pays no further attention to the matter._

8:25 A.M.

John steps out of the cab and looks around. For some reason, he keeps feeling that if he looks hard enough, he will find Sherlock in the crowd. His mind tells him he's being silly- that Sherlock is dead and not coming back. His heart tells his mind to shut its bloody mouth. He takes one last glance and walks into the building.

_/8:30 A.M./_

_Sherlock has fought an inner war to resist the urge to burst into the building and tell John, Lestrade, hell, even Anderson and Sally. But just like every other day, he persuades himself to keep a low profile. He tries so hard to be content with simply watching them live their lives. He turns away to get some coffee._

_9:00 A.M._

_John sits in a meeting with Lestrade, Sally, and Anderson, but his mind is elsewhere. Whenever Anderson speaks, John resists the urge to hurl some of Sherlock's favorite insults at him. "John?" Lestrade's voice breaks him out of his daze. John utters an incoherent reply and is led out of the room. His is told to go home and get some rest. He almost laughs- the task is nearly impossible for him now._

_/9:05 A.M./_

_Sherlock watches as John leaves the building. He knows John will eventually help them on the case, and he admires John's perseverance in trying to talk to them every day. Sherlock follows John as he walks to the nearby florist- Sherlock merely watches as John buys a bouquet. It is still a mystery to the great consulting detective how John found out Sherlock's favorite flower._

_9:30 A.M._

_John stands in front of Sherlock's grave holding the flowers in his hands. A slight tremble causes them to shake slightly. He pauses and looks down at the grave, telling his late friend everything he never told Sherlock when he was alive. He kneels down, wincing slightly, and gently lays the flowers on the grave._

_/9:35 A.M./_

_Sherlock arrives just in time to catch the beginning of John's speech. He waits behind some trees but can still hear exactly what John is saying to him. He takes every word and commits it to memory, though he's heard the speech before. His face is stone, but his mind and heart are working overtime. Despite his best efforts, he can't help but analyze what his friend is saying- which to Sherlock, makes it even harder to handle._

_10:05 A.M._

_John stands up- he has forgotten that he was kneeling on the ground. He walks away from Sherlock's grave, refusing the urge to turn back and look. He has an appointment at 10:30, and if he turned back now, he would never make it in time. He realizes he's been crying, and makes a desperate attempt to hide this fact. He firmly believes no one, not even his therapist, will ever understand the extent of the pain caused by Sherlock's death._

_/10:10 A.M./_

_Sherlock, once he is sure that John will not return, walks over to his own grave. He leans over to pick up the flowers and breathes in their scent, catching a very faint whiff of John's smell amongst the floral perfume. Sherlock begins his own speech, the one he's practiced every day. He tells John he is sorry for lying, that he did it to protect John, that his time without John has been absolute torture. He confesses his admiration of his friend, but doesn't hesitate to throw in a joking jab. Sherlock knows John has an appointment, so he allows himself time to linger before returning to his schedule._

10:30 A.M.

John refuses to look at her. She continues to try and coax him into talking with her, but he only looks out the window and ignores her. She asks if he's written his blog since Sherlock's death; he says no. That is the only question he will reply to. So John uses this time to think; he doesn't want to hear what she has to say. He thinks about his blog, and that maybe if he wrote it, maybe Sherlock would somehow come back. After all, it was only when the two of them were together that he wrote anything on his blog. John simply sits and thinks.

_/10:35 A.M./_

_Sherlock is sitting in a restaurant near the building where John is located. He knows he still has half an hour to himself, but he can't bear to let John out of his sight, or at least not be near him. Sherlock tells himself that it is to protect John, but he knows this isn't the full truth. He stays by John because he knows he can't live without his blogger, his flatmate, his colleague—his best friend. And he knows John feels the same. That's the hardest part for them both. Sherlock feels selfish; watching John, knowing his best friend can never be allowed to see him._

11:00 A.M.

John leaves as soon as he possibly can. Though most of his life is now spent without his mind's participation, there are certain things his mind can still put itself to. Escapes are one of them. Though he uses his crutch, he can still find a way to make a quick getaway from an undesirable situation.

_/11:05 A.M./_

_Sherlock watches as John limp-runs out of the building. This exit is no surprise to him. He stands up and pays for his coffee, then runs out after John. He makes sure to not run in a way that would seem as if he is chasing John—that would arouse suspicion in John and the other Londoners. Instead, he simply ensures that his limping friend remains in his line of sight at all times._

11:11 A.M.

John looks up to see a clock. Like a child, or some younger version of him, he makes a wish.

_/11:11 A.M./_

_Sherlock glances at the same clock, and he too makes a desperate plea._

11:30 A.M.

John sits on a bench and watches as people pass by. He knows where he's going next, and he knows exactly who he'll find and who he won't. He knows for sure Molly won't talk to him, even though he isn't upset with her in the slightest. He doesn't have the energy or willpower to be mad at anyone.

_/11:35 A.M./_

_Sherlock sits on a different bench, but is attentions are only focused on John. He too knows John's next destination and looks down at his hands. He is never keen on visiting the place of his 'death,' but for John he braves it. Just for John._

12:00 P.M.

John's tremble acts up as he reaches the hospital. He is still unsure if he should come here; the memories of Sherlock's suicide are much more physical here. He can see the spot where he jumped, where he fell—the painful reminder almost stop him from going in to see Molly, though she'll never talk to him. Almost.

_/12:05 P.M./_

_Sherlock's phone buzzes in his pocket. It's Molly, asking him if she can just tell John already. Sherlock replies with a firm no and sits down to watch. The hospital is the one place Sherlock will not follow as closely. It feels dangerous, emotional, painful—it almost scares him to be here. But he has to be here—this is where John is at his weakest._

12:30 P.M.

After unsuccessfully trying to talk to Molly, John leaves as quickly as possible. He feels like his whole body may just collapse with the strain of the memories this place holds. And yet, he cannot stop coming. To do that would feel like giving up. He notices his hunger and realizes it has been several hours since he ate his meager breakfast. He figures lunch couldn't hurt.

_/12:35 P.M./_

_Sherlock lets out a sigh of relief as John leaves the hospital. Like his friend, he cannot wait to leave the site of his jump. Sherlock follows closer than ever when John leaves; though he is desperate not to be recognized, getting away is worth the chance._

1:00 P.M.

John is amazed that he is not the only one who does not believe the media. Though those people are few and far between, some will acknowledge him as Sherlock's partner in solving all those crimes and try to make his life easier. The owner of the restaurant is one such person, and has given John free meals every day since Sherlock's death. John is surprised to find that he can actually stomach his food, and he eats with ravenous fervor. He hadn't realized earlier how hungry he really was.

_/1:05 P.M./_

_Sherlock eats in the same restaurant—luckily for him, it is crowded and he manages to keep out of the owner's sight as well as John's. He is fascinated by John's eating habits, and is able to deduce that his friend had a less-than-satisfactory breakfast. This was nothing unusual, Sherlock guessed. His appetite differs greatly from John's; Sherlock hardly takes a bit of his food._

1:10 P.M.

John cannot shake the feeling that he is being watches, but as he glances around, he sees nothing unusual. This feeling has followed him since Sherlock's death, and his mind assumes the worst—that Moriarty's old henchmen are tracking his every move. He ignores it, however, as he takes a last glance at the others in the restaurant. Nothing is out of the ordinary, except it should be Sherlock sitting with him at this table, instead of just his cane leaning against the side.

_/1:15 P.M./_

_Sherlock makes sure that when John looks around, he blends in with the others. He knows John feels he is being watched, but Sherlock takes every precaution to ensure that John never discovers he truly is being watched. He still wears his typical clothing, and in his mind he chastises John for not realizing it. He notices a group getting up to leave and follows them out to not attract John's notice._

1:30 P.M.

As John leaves he notices people staring. They seem to have not noticed him earlier, but now they watch as the former partner of the formerly great Sherlock Holmes exits the restaurant. Most are politely silent, with eyes that either judge or pity, though some whisper as he limps out. He doesn't hear what they have to say—nor does he want to.

_/1:35 P.M./_

_The next text that Sherlock receives is a caution from Molly. She always tells him not to follow John too closely, that if John found out it would ruin Sherlock's plan and possibly cause the death of both of them. Sherlock doesn't reply to this text—he feels that Molly doesn't understand the extent of his concern for John's wellbeing. He looks up to see John leaving the restaurant and sets off after him._

2:00 P.M.

221B Baker Street. John had started to think this flat would become something permanent for him and Sherlock, but now he sees that it was a foolish hope. He walks in, still having his old key in his possession. Mrs. Hudson greets him and offers to make him some tea; he accepts her offer. As she leaves him to walk up to his old residence, he closes his eyes. If he tries hard enough, he can imagine Sherlock walking up the steps with him.

_/2:05 P.M./_

_Sherlock smiles as he sees his old flat. Despite the pain it causes him to be here, he cannot help but smile. The times he had there seem to outweigh the pain he feels. He watches from an empty house across the street. He can see John as he enters the flat and notices John seems to be happier. Just slightly. He assumes 221B Baker Street has the same effect on John as it does on himself._

2:10 P.M.

John first touches the skull and then runs his fingers over the rest of the mantelpiece. He breathes in the smell of the flat and moves to his old chair. As he sits down, the small shining happiness he might have had entering the building is snuffed out. He looks at the chair Sherlock used to occupy and closes his eyes, imagining that his best friend is still alive and sitting opposite him. He can hear exactly what Sherlock would be saying to him, that him being gone wasn't as big of a deal as John is making it out to be.

_/2:15 P.M./_

_Sherlock doesn't react when John touches the skull and the rest of his personal items. The spark of slight hope John seemed to have earlier is gone now, he notices. He longs to return to the chair and sit opposite John. Another text from Molly causes his phone to buzz in his pocket but he ignores it, preferring to watch John in 221B. Besides, he knows what she is saying, and he doesn't feel the need to remind her he's being careful._

2:20 P.M.

John leaves the chair to visit his old room. It's almost empty; he took all his things out after Sherlock's funeral. The bed is still there, and all the other furniture Mrs. Hudson owns, but to John it feels completely empty. It feels as if any sort of fullness it may have had at one point has drained away, leaving a skeleton of a past life. There is a moment when John can remember exactly what the room used to feel like, but it slips through his mind's desperate fingers.

_/2:25 P.M./_

_Sherlock is struck by a need to play his violin. His fingers twitch like those of a recovering addict struck by withdrawal. In a way, he supposes he is one. He tries to recover from the pain and the grief and his old life, but he is still hopelessly addicted to this one aspect—his John._

2:30 P.M.

He walks into Sherlock's room, closing the door as soon as he crosses the threshold. He knows it's silly, but he feels if the door is open too long, what is left of Sherlock will escape. This room is different than the rest of the flat to John. It is almost forbidden, though it never felt that way when Sherlock was alive. He looks at everything he can see without moving—it is all there, just like he never left. This room is where John feels his friend's presence the most—his Sherlock is here, the one who hanged dummies and kept body parts in the fridge. This is where Sherlock will always be alive.

_/2:35 P.M./_

_Sherlock waits. He knows the memories will soon become too much for John and that he will go racing out of 221B. Sherlock knows he'll want to comfort him. He knows he cannot._

2:40 P.M.

As the memories rage through John's mind, it begins to be too much to handle. He leaves the flat, performing an escape similar to the one he pulled with his therapist. He notices his limp and tremble were nonexistent during the past forty minutes in Baker Street, and this fact alone tempts him to return. He forces himself away and walks without destination.

_/2:45 P.M./_

_Sherlock hurries to follow John, not wanting to lose him in the crowd. It still shocks him how fast his friend can move with his limp. As John hails a cab, Sherlock hails one to follow. Though he knows John's destination, all the running begins to wear him out._

3:15 P.M.

John sits where he had talked with Mike so long ago about the possibility of finding someone to share a flat with. Coffee in hand, John replays everything that has happened since then. Once he gets past Sherlock's death, it all becomes a blur. He cannot differentiate the days, and even now, he is not completely sure of the date or even how many days have passed since the fall.

_/3:20 P.M./_

_Sherlock does not know exactly what this place has to do with him or what significance it has to John. Despite this lack of knowledge, he still sits on a bench where he can keep an eye on John. He notices John is completely lost in thought, and wonders if John would notice if he sat down beside him. Even though he thinks the answer is no, he reminds himself to play is safe. He's tired of having to constantly say that to himself._

4:30 P.M.

John hasn't realized how long he's spent on this bench. When he looks at his watch, he thinks he should be shocked, but he tells himself he doesn't have anywhere to be. The memories try to drag him back, and he is fighting a losing battle against them.

_/4:35 P.M./_

_Sherlock can see that something is causing his friend pain, and he needs to go over and help him. He thinks of how he's laid awake fighting the same battle. It would be easier if they could join forces, but it is impossible._

5:00 P.M.

John finally stands up, victorious for this moment. Without hesitation, he leaves and walks away. His stomach complains of hunger, and he debates his options for his next meal.

_/5:05 P.M./_

_Sherlock follows, his mind still trying to deduce the reason John has for coming here. He refuses to give up on this challenge, though it plagues him and tortures his ego. He chastises himself on this problem that should be so simply; the great Sherlock Holmes cannot figure out why his best friend places such significance with the bench. Such significance that causes John Watson great pain whenever he goes there, but he finds it difficult to leave it._

5:30 P.M.

John has decided on eating out, as he has no substantial food at his flat. He walks into the nearest restaurant and is not as shocked as he feels he should be that Mycroft is waiting for him. Sherlock's brother motions with his umbrella to an open table. John sits down and faces Mycroft with a blank expression.

_/5:35 P.M./_

_Sherlock curses under his breath. Why his brother has to show concern for Sherlock's friend baffles him. Sherlock takes a seat at a different table, trusting that Mycroft will keep John sufficiently distracted. He notices Mycroft talking animatedly while John sits in silence and waits for the food to arrive._

5:40 P.M.

John listens while Mycroft talks about all sorts of happenings, with Mycroft being sure not to ask any questions or demand a response from John. Mycroft would tell John about his day, delicately avoiding the fact that Lestrade sent him down to check on John (though John knew this was the truth), and at the end of his monologue, he would ask John about his own day. John tells him reluctantly, leaving out his speech to Sherlock—that is for his dead friend's ears only. Mycroft's face falls at the end of John's narrative, but John pretends not to notice.

_/5:45 P.M./_

_Sherlock listens as John tells Mycroft about his day, and he has the same reaction when Mycroft does. He cares deeply for his friend, but is disappointed that he doesn't do much, even if he has watched John all day. He can't blame John—that would be hypocrisy._

6:30 P.M.

The meal he has shared with Mycroft is over by now, and the two have sat in calm and polite silence until this point. Mycroft tells John he'd best be going, and that he will pick up the bill. Grateful, John leaves the restaurant without a second glance.

_/6:35 P.M./_

_Sherlock has spent his time easting and watching his friend and brother "chat"—Mycroft did almost all of the talking. He watches now as Mycroft gets up to pay, and his brother motions over to Sherlock's table. Sherlock dips his head and walks out. At least his brother is good for something._

6:40 P.M.

John has nowhere to go but back to his flat.

_/6:45 P.M./_

_Sherlock watches John, and, like he has all day, he follows him._

7:00 P.M.

John walks into his flat and flops down on a chair. He stares at the wall and imagines he is back in Baker Street. Sherlock smiles at him from the opposite chair and proposes they do something more exciting than moping about. John counters that they've had an exhausting day, but Sherlock points out that John refuses to sleep. They argue for some time longer before John realizes this has all been occurring in his own mind.

_/7:05 P.M./_

_As John enters his flat, Sherlock turns away. He knows his friend is safe there—he has ensured that—and to watch him here would be dangerous for many reasons._

7:10 P.M.

John sits in his "new" flat. For the life of him, he can't recall how long ago he moved in but he certainly does not wish to know the answer.

_/7:15 P.M./_

_Sherlock knows it is time to move on for the night, to drown his sorrows in violin and sleep. He searches for a place—his violin is kept safe by Molly, who will bring it to him when he asks._

7:30 P.M.

John stares at the wall, trying to project the memories of Baker Street onto his flat. Try as he might, the memories fight against him, refusing to conform to a strange place that not even their keeper can become accustomed to.

_/7:35 P.M./_

_Sherlock has found a place to stay the night, but not where he would prefer. He wishes to go back to 221B and sleep in his old room, or to curl up in John's old room, to feel as close as he possibly can to his friend without being beside him._

8:00 P.M.

John is tired but cannot sleep. His entire being is fighting a civil war, and the two sides, Hope and Defeat, with their warring prevent any coherent thought or sleep.

_/8:05 P.M./_

_A lonely and haunting melody emerges from Sherlock's violin. Sherlock doesn't write down the composition—the notes are burned into his brain with a searing fire, as is the title. It is simple, direct, unlike Sherlock: John. The music captures Sherlock in a painfully comforting embrace, before slowly releasing him to the grasp of sleep._

8:30 P.M.

John throws the pillow across the room in rage. Rage against Sherlock, against pretending he's better, against every single bloody day he is alive without Sherlock by his side. He glares at the pillow before breaking down into silent, uncontrollable sobs.

_/8:35 P.M./_

_His sleep is calm, flitting through memories instead of dreams, leaving when they become too painful to bear._

10:00 P.M.

After a long struggle, John has managed to become comfortable enough in his own skin to wrap a blanket around himself as he sits in the chair. Sleep still evades him, dancing just far enough that he cannot catch it with his longest reach.

_/10:05 P.M./_

_His eyelids flutter—his body, despite the time he's been away from his work, is not yet used to the ability to sleep just as long (if not longer) as the average person. He turns in the bed and continues to sleep._

12:00 A.M.

He is still awake, the light from his flat being one of the few illuminating the street. His waking hours are fitful; he tosses and turns under the blanket, any earlier comfort now gone.

_/12:05 A.M./_

_Sherlock's memories have reached those he has of John—his sleep is calmer than before; he is more relaxed than he has been in his waking life._

2:00 A.M.

John cannot fully explain how he is still awake and yet tired beyond belief. He has turned off the light and sits now in the dark, thinking. He's been doing a lot of thinking, though the thoughts simply flutter out of sight the instant they are conceived.

_/2:05 A.M/_

_The faintest phantom smile plays across Sherlock's sleeping face. He would never smile awake—that would be cruel. But in his memory-dreams… It is allowable._

4:30 A.M.

John has finally forced himself into a violent sleep, filled with painful memories in callous clarity.

_/4:35 A.M./_

_Sherlock's smile is fading. The memories are no longer pleasant._

7:00 A.M.

John Watson wakes up, having slept in a bed alone and in a place where he would certainly not be disturbed by a flatmate. He sits up, throws on a robe, and walks into the kitchen to make some coffee. He looks at the paper and flips through it. He notices that 221B Baker Street is still not listed as available- Mycroft kept true to his promise.

_/7:05 A.M/_

_Sherlock Holmes wakes up with a sigh. He is never ready to face his friend's repeated days, but it is his only way of staying close to his John._


End file.
